My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Two words: nipple clamps
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