he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
