She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
