Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
