so that wasnt chicken after all
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
