I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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