what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
