Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
