I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
