Can i not drive my cunt home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
