He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
