I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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