last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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