just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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