I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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