Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
