U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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