Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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