At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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