guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
