sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
