Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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