Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
