Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
