What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
