By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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