he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
