Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
