: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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