so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
