ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
