Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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