one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
