I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
