We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
