she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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