i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
