Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
