I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
