That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
