i already hear my dad disowning me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
NoShamevember. You game?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
