I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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