the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
