Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
