He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
