And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
