I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
