I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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