Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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