I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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