You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
