the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
