Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
