I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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