I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
