goodnight i made you a song goodbye
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
