life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
