If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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