Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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