Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
