it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
