his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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