I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
