I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dick very happy bro
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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