Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
