I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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